Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl
UCLA Bruins vs. Illinois Fighting Illini
Dec. 31, 3:30 pm EST
AT&T Park (San Francisco)
Line: Illinois -3
Listen, Kraft, if you really want to make a dent in fighting hunger, I suggest giving us something better than this schlock.
This game is notable for the fact that it pits two sad-sack squads that have already seen their coaches fired. The winner can boast that it’s a smidgen less of an underachiever than the other.
It’s the worst bowl game of the year, bar none.
Making This All Possible
Kraft Foods Inc., headquartered in the Chicago suburbs, own more than 60 food brands distributed nationwide – that Philadelphia Cream Cheese on your bagel, those Oreos you’re stuffing in your face, the Maxwell House coffee you drink too much of. Yep, all Kraft.
Get To Know: UCLA
Well, we don’t have Rick Neuheisel to kick around anymore.
UCLA’s dashingly incompetent head coach and his perma-tan may be gone – likely to an announcing booth near you soon – but his legacy of underwhelming football lives on in the Bruins. UCLA does nothing particularly well and has shown no reason to make anyone think that has changed in the last few weeks.
Get To Know: Illinois
Well, we don’t have Ron Zook to kick around anymore.
The brass finally had enough of the Zooker teasing them with promising recruiting classes. The Illini did another one of their famous late season swoons this year, and it proved to be one time too many.
New coach Tim Boeckman of Toledo has some talent to work with, especially at the skill positions. What does that mean for this particular game? Probably not too much.
You Should Know
UCLA will either become the first 7-7 or 6-8 team in FBS history at the conclusion of this game. Quite the distinction.
If You’re Going
The restaurants in San Francisco that you have to be trying to find something bad. That said, if you’re want to keep the tab reasonable and are in the Haight-Ashbury district, try All You Knead on Haight between Masonic Avenue and Ashbury Street.
If You’re Watching At Home
I have no idea what constitutes “authentic” L.A. grub – I assume a traditional meal in the City of Angels is something like cocaine and mineral water. While that might sound fun, we’re by no means advocating putting that on the menu.
Instead, let’s go with something sufficiently crappy to match the quality of play in this game. Taco Bell is currently offering a new 12 pack of tacos. If you’re lucky, you’ll spend the second half of the game in the can.
UCLA has struggled in recent years to develop any consistency at quarterback, which puts the Bruins at a disadvantage…
Oh, who the hell cares?
Illinois 24, UCLA 6