CBR’s The Bachelor Diary: Week 5 pt. 1

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After four weeks of action – o.k. more like about a week or so in real life – Sean is down to 11 lucky ladies… Why so lucky? Well, it appears they'll be traversing some exotic or not so exotic locals (depending on your outlook of the great outdoors) on a special double episode week on The Bachelor. 

So, strap yourselves in and take the two day ride with us right here at CBR as we break down the journey of Sean attempting to find love, or just the hottest girl he can build a connection with. I mean, let's be realistic here… the actual amount of times The Bachelor ended in marriage are about as many times as Ohio State has won a BCS championship (see what I did there?).

Our money has Desiree winning this one right now, but it appears Tierra is willing to do and/or say anything to win this one… Let the Bad Girls Club and Hypothermia begin!!

8:02 ET: Chris Harrison – a guy that's been in the backdrop more than ever this season – reveals the one-on-one, group date, and dreaded two-on-one date… Oh and they're off to exotic Monta…. wait, Montana isn't exotic. It's country and outdoors to say the least. Good luck prissy ladies. Hey, at least we haven't had Sean w/o his shirt on yet (opening montage doesn't count, right?)

 Ahhh, it's not the real Montana they're seeing… it's the Hollywood, super awesome cabin style Montana that only the super rich see. Gotcha ABC, I see what you did. Lindsay gets the one-on-one date & the tears start flowing. 

8:07 ET: Glacier National Park via Helicopter for Lindsay's one-on-one… Not too shabby actually. Lindsay and Sean make out in about 2 minutes after touching down. You dog you Sean!! 


(remember drunk & wedding dress Lindsay? We can't forget)

8:11 ET: Lindsay's general dad wasn't there for her during her adolescent years as the wars were just kicking off… getting all deep and stuff… and they make out again. Hey, guess what – these two are really sexually attracted to each other. Who knew the drunk girl that threw herself at Sean to begin with would be so forward… Oh never mind, duh!!

8:13 ET: Tierra and Jackie are going on the two-on-one date as the group date card is revealed and Tierra acts all excited, never mind the possibility she goes home on the date. Who's worse folks – Courtney or her? I'm thinking Courtney, but we haven't seen the worst of Tierra just yet…

Back to the date – the entire town of Whitefish is there for a concert w/ some country artist I've never heard of and that's saying something coming from someone that lives in a city so country music crazy like I do. Oh and it ends w/ a "He likes me…. He really likes me" moment from Lindsay.

8:23 ET: Group date time and it's an active date in the freezing cold of Montana. Sean reveals he loves a woman in high heels
one day & roughing it the next – so Paris Hilton can rest easy! 

Oh and the date is a relay race of canoeing, moving bails of hay, sawing through a log & milking a goat. At least it's a fun competition… I guess. Winning team moves on, losing team back to the hotel as usual. 

8:29 ET: Nothing sexier than seeing two ladies milking a goat, right? Oh wait, there's probably about 1,000,000,000 things sexier than that. Now, watching a girl drinking goats milk… Now you've nailed sexy on the head, lol.

Red team wins thanks to Desiree Downing the goats milk like it's her job. It's more time with Sean at the night portion of the date for them. Blue team goes bye bye & Lesley M is none too happy to say the least.

8:36 ET: Oh, oh… Sean going Rogue as the Blue Team gets to join Sean for some more extended time. What's the point of competing if there isn't a winner and a loser DAMN IT!! This is what's wrong with America. Losing has consequences – so weak Sean… SO WEAK! Man card in serious jeopardy my man. Oh, and way to piss the ladies off too. NOT A SMART MOVE. 

8:39 ET: When Selma gets angry, Selma gets angry… Watch out world!!! (Now that's the classic type line we're all used to hearing on The Bachelor – finally)

8:41 ET: Tierra joins the party? What the hell. Who does this girl think she is? Oh wait… she's the most amazing person we've ever met!! Take that "Most Interesting Man in the World"

8:46 ET: There Tierra "Ms. Drama" goes again with the "I'm very sensitive" card. Could this woman be any more transparently into herself and only herself? PUKE. The sooner she goes the better! Go Jackie on the two-on-one!

8:53 ET: Daniella breaks down & we have our first official crier of the night. She's feeling left out of all of this as she's the last to get time w/ Sean. In the end it doesn't matter cause she gets to make out with him. Well played (insert slow clap here).

The winner of the Rose on the group date? Daniella.

9:00 ET: Tierra is just simply not a good human being – that's all you need to know about the two-on-one date. Oh and Tierra calls Sean her "husband." Apparently good girls also finish last just like good guys. SMH. Slick move by hitting on a dude at the airport Tierra, I thought you already had a "husband" you were with, huh? 

9:13 ET: Dum…. dum, dum… It's time for Sean to hand out the rose – TIERRA!! Not shocking since the "ace" producers have shown Tierra in tomorrow's preview at least ten times already. 

9:23 ET: It's cocktail party time and Sean's got some 'splainin to do… Desiree tells Sean what's up – at least in terms of him confusing the ladies with his choices of rose recipients and the whole letting the other ladies back in on the group date. 

9:27 ET: Shocking, Tierra has to make any event dramatic and about her. Robyn lays it out for her & of course she flips it around and plays the victim again. JUST GO AWAY!!!

9:38 ET: Sean is finally getting a glimpse of the Tierra we're all seeing and the cocktail party is well… awkward, but don't worry she's not going home just yet. Thanks ABC for ruining all of our hopes and dreams at the start of this episode. Hey, guess what… Tierra will fill our TV screens with crazy ass drama again tomorrow! 

9:45 ET: Our poor Bachelor isn't so sure his wife is in the house tonight and clearly he's not a fan of the drama in the house. Unhappy Bachelor = awkard Rose ceremony in 3….2….1, or after the commerical break, your choice. 

9:51 ET: Chris Harrison lays the verbal smackdown on the ladies to tell them to quit with all the b.s.!! Rose Ceremony activate!

10:00 ET: Holy shit…. We just went an entire episode of The Bachelor without Sean taking his shirt off for the camera's (other than in the flash foward scenes at the beginning and end of the episode & we all know those don't count). That has to be a slam your drink moment if you're playing along to our The Bachelor drinking game. I mean seriously, who thought we'd ever see that happen?

Roses: Lindsay, Daniella, Tierra, Selma, Catherine, Lesley M., AshLee, Sarah, Desiree

Gone: Jackie, Robyn

CBR Oddsmaker's Favorites:

1. Tierra: 3/2

2. Desiree: 2/1

3. Lindsay: 4/1

4. AshLee: 6/1

5. Sarah: 10/1

Outside Looking In: Daniella: 25/1, Selma, 50/1, Catherine, 100/1, Lesley M 500/1

Tomorrow's Preview: HYPOTHERMIA and more TIERRA faking injury & crying – who could want more!! Tune in with our @andycoppens tomorrow night at 8pmET/7pmCT.

Andrew Coppens

About Andrew Coppens

Andy has been covering college football for nearly half a decade and is the Managing Editor of MadTownBadgers.com. He's also a featured columnist covering college football for Bleacher Report.

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