The John Calipari Fantasy Basketball Experience

Do you want to live a weekend in the life of a Kentucky basketball player?

Well you can – sort of – though instead of having 19-year-old sorority girls rubbing their asses on you at the club, you get to spend the weekend with a bunch of old dudes who are pretending to be ballers while coughing up something between $7,500 and $12,500.

But there's a discount if you're a Citi Cardmember!

The John Calipari Fantasy Basketball Experience is now open for registration. Though if you're under the age of 35, you'll have to wait – yep, it's only for those who are 35 or older, and nope, that's not creepy at all. Not even a little.

The Big Blue Package ($7,500) includes such things as Evaluation Games, a Draft Party with Coach Cal!, a private dinner at Coach Cal's house (with only 99 other guests), and 8 tickets to the Alumni Game. The Big Blue is accepting 80 registrants (80 x 7,500 = $600,000).

The Captain's Club Package ($12,500) includes early registration (hells yeah!), and Exclusive Tour of Wildcat Lodge with Coach Cal, and an opportunity to play against former UK players in a pick-up game. Only 12 spots are available (12 x 12,500 = $150,000).

And then there's the Adolph Rupp Coaching Experience ($7,500) for those not wishing to participate in "physical activity," and instead you get to help with the player evaluations, film breakdown, and game prep. And only 8 spots for the fat and lazy (8 x $7,500 = $60,000).

This is what college basketball is all about. The pageantry, the competition, the passion, and using free labor to make bank. Sign up quick!

As a bonus, if you follow coach Calipari on Twitter, he might make you scream like a little girl by pretending that he's recruiting you.