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Yes, really — Lindsay Lohan is writing a memoir

Lindsay Lohan, the 28-year-old who looks 58 years old, and professional rehab dropout who occasionally acts (like a moron) is apparently working on a memoir.

Lohan is about to begin rehearsals for her theatrical debut in David Mamet’s Speed-The-Plow and gave a somewhat lengthy and nonsensical interview to the Daily Mail last week.

Before we go any further into this baffling development, I want to point out the fact that LiLo having to be accountable for being on-time, on-stage, and sober for a prolonged period of time is a gamble I’m surprised anyone was willing to take, including her.

(One of my favorite bloggers made a good point — “Are we sure she heard someone actually ask her if she wants to be in Speed-the-Plow? Maybe she heard wrong and she was really asked, ‘Hey, do you want to get plowed for some speed?'”)

Anyway — before we get into the memoir portion of the interview, I would like to share some additional excerpts that I’d like to file under: Bitch, Are You Trippin’?

lohan_shock

As she’s discussing her career and past mistakes, first up, we have this gem:

I think a lot of people have a misconception of me due to situations I put myself in, things that have been made up about me or manifested and I got into this to be an actress and you know I like to create, to write, I eventually want to direct. I lost a lot of that credibility and I take responsibility for some of it but it’s also an industry where it’s celebrity based and I have been made out to be something like that and I don’t want to be known for that, that’s not why I did this.

Followed by:

I was willing to do the work to get it back and I hope that within doing this play and working with people that I really admire and respect that the perception can maybe shift onto not Lindsay the tabloid person but to me as an actress which is what I started this for. It’s therapeutic for me, acting.

Nothing has been made up about LiLo that didn’t turn out to be true — her lying, her lack of work ethic, her delusion and self-entitlement. It’s about five billion against one, and Lohan has only been made out to be something she is because she can’t be bothered to be held accountable for her actions and prove us liars wrong.

My favorite excerpt, though, might be this: “I’ve been doing this for 23 years, I’m 28 – I’ve been doing this since I was three, which is weird.

FIRST GRADE MATH. LEARN IT.

LSNY

The train of delusion rolls on when she starts to talk about wanting to write a memoir:

I would never write to violate someone else or objectify them, that’s not my intention. I like to write because it’s like therapy for me. I want to put a lot of photos and cool stuff, it will probably be like a trilogy, like Harry Potter because there’s so many.

HARRY POTTER IS NOT A TRILOGY. A TRILOGY IS THREE BOOKS. HARRY POTTER WAS SEVEN. DO YOU KNOW WHAT NUMBERS ARE? Someone put this bitch in front of a TV and play nothing but “Sesame Street” and “Baby Einstein” on a continuous loop until she catches up to the intelligence of five-year-olds.

And then…

I worked with a lot of girls in India that have gone through a lot of stuff, and a lot of kids who have gone through family issues or who get subjected to DUI or anything like that and then the pressure of just being better.

I feel like my book will be more about that than anything else because there’s the excitement of the life that I have lived but I’ve seen a lot and if I can help anyone that might feel like its ok to screw up, it’s OK to feel lonely, or ugly or to feel overweight or underweight.

So “cool stuff” turns in to talking about DUIs and eating disorders? Sounds awesome.

Just when I think Blohan (typo… or is it) couldn’t be more delusional, she outdoes herself. Can’t wait for her trilogy pop-up book of her 3D mug shots to hit the stores. Sigh.

[Daily Mail via Jezebel]

Reva Friedel

About Reva Friedel

Reva is a staff writer for Awful Announcing and the AP Party. She lives in Orange County and roots for zero California teams.

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