Missouri had a lot to shout about last season, but with Dorial Green-Beckham (pictured, right) no longer in the picture -- so to speak, of course -- the Tigers face an uphill climb in 2014.

Poll Vaulting: Thoughts on the Coaches Poll

On Twitter @TheCoachBart

The Coaches Poll came out, which I greet with about as much excitement as a new Daughtry single, which is to say “some amount less than getting poked in the eye,” but it gives us something to make fun of because the coaches poll in and of itself is an idiotic idea, because it even suggests coaches have enough time to watch film of who they play, let alone the 120 other teams they do not.

Going into the Coaches Poll every year you can assure yourselves at least a few guarantees:

1. It probably won’t be very good
2. Notre Dame will be ranked, no matter what, because … Notre Dame
3. So will Texas
4. Duke will get at least one vote

Obligatory “too high” list: Auburn (5); Clemson (16); Notre Dame (17); TAMU (20); Texas (24); Florida (actually got votes)

Auburn I can go either way on, but I’ve got to think at least some of that magical 2013 won’t replicate itself to the same result in 2014. The rest, I’m not budging on. Southern Cal is a curious ranking considering the uncertainty of the coaching change and depth questions, but hell, I can justify it to myself.

Obligatory “too low” list: Missouri (unranked); LSU (13); Michigan State (8); Arizona State (18); Michigan (unranked)

Missouri being unranked to me is criminal in the realm of things that are criminal but don’t actually matter that much and thus are not actually criminal. Love Mizzou this year. Look, it’s either the Tigers or Georgia winning the SEC East. Lock that down. I feel like folks are under-selling the quarterback play of both teams, and quarterback play wins games in college football. What’s next, that Macklemore dude winning an award for making music? Wait, that’s already happened? Serenity now. The end is nigh.

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Drove behind a guy this week in a Prius, small fluffy dog in lap, under the speed limit, weaving in and out of lanes in traffic this week. No way this man and I could ever be friends or agree on anything, ever. If you drive with a dog in your lap, you should be fined $5,000 for violation of common sense.

Back to the poll, I just had to get that one out there. I don’t know what Amway is or why it suddenly is a sponsor, and I won’t give it the dignity of looking it up.

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I saw mild fuss over Oklahoma ranked number 3. Why? What am I missing? The Sooners return a ton of talent from a team that boat raced number 2 Alabama in a bowl game and obviously have whatever momentum that gives coming in. Seems legit to me. People just need to kvetch.

In terms of percentage, which is a lot more telling than pure numbers since every year it seems like every conference is adding or subtracting teams, the Pac-12 and SEC came out as winners with 50 percent of their conferences being ranked.

Good for the Pac-12. I complain every year about the lack of respect that conference gets. Clearly, the voters are part of the 7 people who read the column. And good for the SEC, so someone doesn’t e-mail about bias.

Texas is curious of a ranking. The Charlie Strong hire is outstanding, but there’s always a learning curve when taking in a new system, plus you’ve got inconsistency at QB. Inconsistency at QB isn’t normally a harbinger for a surprisingly successful season.

Not exactly sure if we need to start breathalyzing voters, but Georgia Tech getting two and Arkansas … I mean … WHAT?

Team ranked that I expect to end ranked much higher: Ole Miss (will contend for SEC West title, I betcha); honorary mention to Wisconsin.

Team ranked that I would expect to end ranked much lower: Texas A&M (as in “un”).

That’s really all we’ve got here. Preseason polls are nothing more than stuff for people to complain/talk about because honestly, NOTHING else is going on in sports. Just remember … stay safe on those roads. There’s no common sense test required to get a license.

About Bart Doan

Bart Doan is a co-editor for The Student Section. He also writes for Saturdays In the Fall and enjoys the beer, the golf, the steak, and the country music like any American should. And apparently the typing of profiles in Bloguin in the third person. Find him on Twitter @TheCoachBart

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