The third week of the NFL season is in the books and we’ve audited all 16 games in order to present to you the stupidest decisions/moments/strategies/calls from the weekend that was. Here’s our weekly summary of NFL stupidity.
The stupidest apology
How extremely un-fun has the No Fun League become? Dolphins wide receiver Brian Hartline pantomimed a golf putt after scoring a touchdown Sunday. It was impromptu and harmless, but because some of his teammates jumped in and partook, it was deemed to be a group celebration, drawing a 15-yard penalty.
The rule itself is utterly ridiculous — I mean, who is that celebration hurting? — but it’s actually amazing that Hartline felt the need to issue a heartfelt apology after the game, adding that “hopefully my teammates will forgive me.”
And then there was this from head coach Joe Philbin: “I can’t make any excuse, I’m disappointed — very disappointed. It’s uncharacteristic of us. I don’t think we’ve had one. It’s a poor reflection of me. It’s not good.”
Dudes, calm down. All of these super-serious domestic violence incidents and accusations and all of the illegal hits jeopardizing player safety league wide, and you’re stressing about this!…
The stupidest injury
Hartline’s celebration cost the Dolphins 15 yards, but Stephen Tulloch of the Lions performed a celebration Sunday that was a hell of a lot more costly. The linebacker tore his ACL while celebrating a sack.
That brings back memories…
The stupidest pair of fourth-quarter play calls
Both were made by Dolphins offensive coordinator Bill Lazor, so might as well package ’em together. Despite the fact running back Lamar Miller was having a great day on the ground, the Dolphins called consecutive passes on 2nd-and-1 and 3rd-and-1 early in the fourth quarter of what at that point was a one-score game.
The second-down shot makes some sense seeing as that they had third down in their back pocket. They took a deep shot with Mike Wallace. But to follow that up with another passing play? They deserved to take that sack. Such audacity.
They’d punt it away on 4th-and-4 following a three-yard loss on a sack, Kansas City would score on the following drive and Miami would never get close again.
The stupidest stupid thing
Of all the stupid things NFL players do on the field and/or the sideline, the stupidest this week starred Rams tight end Jared Cook, who after dropping this pass…
…decided, inexplicably, to shove his quarterback…
What? Why? At least Cook apologized.
The stupidest roughing the passer penalty call
Nowadays, there’s at least one stupid roughing the passer penalty each week. On Sunday, Patrick Willis was victimized. This hit couldn’t have been more legal…
But it gave the Cardinals 15 extra yards in the second half of a one-score game. Shameful. And, of course, stupid.
The stupidest penalty
But Captain Munnerlyn has to know better than to do this in this day and age…
That was a killer during the second half of a one-score game, especially because it pissed off Drew Brees.
That extended drive would result in a game-clinching touchdown for New Orleans.
The stupidest coaching strategy
On a day in which backs Isaiah Crowell and Terrance West had run the ball well, the Browns had two drives while protecting a one-point lead with less than five minutes to play against Baltimore…and yet Cleveland ran the ball just three times on two three-and-outs.
Two possessions and they could take only 80 seconds off the clock. Baltimore got one more shot in the final two minutes and won the game with a walk-off field goal. If Kyle Shanahan had any sense at all, that wouldn’t have happened.
The stupidest interception
What exactly was Titans quarterback Jake Locker thinking here?
That ended the first half, but Tennessee was in field-goal range.
The stupidest broadcast rule
How ridiculous is it when “NFL broadcast rules” forced FOX to cut off local markets in the final, dramatic moments of a great game between Washington and Philadelphia? Silly rules in place in order to protect exclusive time slots as part of the weekly doubleheaders, and the kind of nit-picky bullcrap that makes you despise this league for being so petty.
In closing, I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
