The NFL regular season is a seventeen week long grind. Most teams feel that getting players into a routine is the best way to get them through the long and difficult process. It’s been well-proven that road trips to different time zones or even much-needed bye weeks can have the unwanted side effect of throwing a team off its rhythm.
When it comes to disruption during an NFL season, there’s very little that will upend a team’s routine more than a transatlantic flight. This is why the New York Jets, who are scheduled to take the field at Wembley Stadium against the Miami Dolphins this Sunday, are taking every precaution to preserve the American experience for their players during the team’s trip to London.
In an interview with the New York Times, Aaron Degerness, Senior Manager of Team Operations for the New York Jets detailed the team’s over-the-top plan to import more than 5,000 daily-use items into the UK in preparation for Sunday’s game. Just to be clear, Degerness is not talking about shipping team equipment, medical supplies, or even personal hygiene items like toothbrushes and deodorant. Those are all expected items that a team might need on a long road trip. Even if it’s a bit obsessive, it’s somewhat understandable that a trainer may want to use “American” tape on Chris Ivory’s ankles as opposed to taking his chances with the untested British version.
However, the items the Jets are packing go far beyond the realm of reasonable for a football team traveling to a highly-developed country that offers a standard of living on par with what’s available in the 48 contiguous states. Here are some of the highlights…
Cereal: Rumor has it that it’s called “Admiral Crunch” in the U.K. and tends to get very soggy when put in milk.
Extension Cords: I just hope the Jets remembered to pick up some voltage adapters as well.
Hot Sauce and Barbecue Sauce: Because vinegar is for sissies.
350 rolls of Toilet Paper: Apparently the Jets are under the impression that the English don’t have butt holes.
Supposedly, the real reason for the toilet paper importation is that Jets management doesn’t want their players to suffer through using the “thinner” version commonly used in Great Britain. Who would have known that two-ply was so critical to playing a strong Cover 2? If the Jets fail to earn a victory over the Dolphins on Sunday it certainly won’t be for lack of preparation.
At the very least, the Jets attention to detail has ensured that if a Brittish buttfumble occurs, the ball will stay clean.
