Chasing Robert Griffin III: what would Miami offer for the #2 pick?

Using “Being John Malkovich” technology, ThisGivenSunday leads you inside the mind of Miami Dolphins GM Jeff Ireland, as he considers making a transformative trade offer to the St Louis Rams, and drafting Robert Griffin III.This is the first of a three-part series.

Welp, we just finished 6-10, another beyond-mediocre year under my watch. If my ego didn’t remind me that I was the best GM in the sport, I might actually be upset.

Things got a little hot this year, but I let my friend Tony walk out there and soak up all the blame. If we don’t get this thing going, though, I’m pretty much out of scapegoats.

The fan base’s hate for me is growing by the day. I still can’t believe those crazy Dolphins fans organized a banner to fly around the stadium asking Mr. Ross to fire me. For one I thought all the football fans in Miami were 85 and older. Do pilots take medicare checks now? Secondly, don’t they know that I control everything Stephen does. How naïve of them!

Now back to the future, what to do, what to do?

Well, I couldn’t get Cowher or Gruden (again), and that pretty much sucked (again). And we all know what happened with Jeff Fisher. Luckily, we got this Philbin guy out of Titletown somehow. Maybe he was still too distraught over his kid’s death to realize he was signing here, who knows.

Philbin keeps trying to sell me on this Matt Flynn character, but is that seventh-round lumberjack going to fill seats? Realistically the only thing that could get me fired is an empty stadium. An empty stadium means no money for Mr. Ross and we all know how Mr. Ross feels about money.

Am I desperate? Of course not I am Jeff Ireland. But… 

This Dolphins team hasn’t drafted a first round quarterback since 1983, when we got Marino. To hear people here talk, he was pretty much the messiah. All I remember growing up in Abilene was him selling Isotoners and watching Troy Aikman and the NFC collect Super Bowl rings. Heh. But still, we haven’t had anybody anywhere near that good since.

When I took this job, I knew the Dolphins’ track record trying to find a QB. It wasn’t good. Trading for AJ Feeley in 2004. Passing on Drew Brees for Daunte Culpepper in free agency in 2006. Drafting John Beck in 2007, and Pat White in 2009. Okay, I’ll put my hand up for that one, but those were the Wildcat days, you can’t blame me.

I don’t know what happened to all these college kids to scare them out of the draft, but all my go-to guys with the 9th pick are gone. I guess the only thing to do is make a deal for Robert Griffin III. I wonder if Jeff Fisher is still taking my calls. He did say to Schefter that he would hire me… heh. Too bad he wouldn’t let me hire him.

Those guys in St Louis need a receiver, that much is clear. And my guy just tore up the Pro Bowl, and pretty much trashed my entire roster of quarterbacks in the post-game interviews. Bringing that mouth back into the locker room oughta be fun … unless I can get free and clear of that head case in the process. Talk about a win-win.

Let’s make an offer old Fish can’t refuse.

Rams receive: 2012 First Round Draft Pick (9th) + 2013 First Round Draft Pick + 2013 3rd Round Draft Pick + Brandon Marshall

Dolphins receive: 2012 First Round Draft Pick (2nd) + 2013 Fifth Round Draft Pick

Give Sam Bradford an elite WR and a clear upgrade to any option they have in the passing game and a high enough first round draft pick to maybe select Riley Reiff or David DeCastro.

Meanwhile, our fans finally get some hope at the QB position, and I get to unload the stress and $9 million dollar salary of Brandon Marshall. Bet I could get DeSean Jackson or Marques Colston for that money. And hey, who doesn’t want to come to South Beach?