Chasing Robert Griffin III: what would Cleveland offer for the #2 pick?

Using “Being John Malkovich” technology, ThisGivenSunday leads you inside the mind of Cleveland Browns president Mike Holmgren, as he considers making a transformative trade offer to the St Louis Rams, and drafting Robert Griffin III.This is the third of a three-part series.

Mike Holmgren here. Before you ask, my mustache is doing fine thank you.

What a year. That Peyton Hillis kid couldn’t stay healthy, and Colt McCoy took so many hits he can’t even remember his name.

But there is hope. *takes a swig of beer*

If we can go get a new quarterback, and Colt doesn’t even realize, we will be free and clear.

Thanks to that Canadian idiot Dimitroff, I have so many damn picks to work with this year. There is supposed to be some kid down in Texas, Robert Griffin Jr. Jr. or something. Word is that he can play.

Know what I am going to do? Call up my mustache buddy, Mr. Jeff Fisher, and get that damn second overall pick from him.

I would call that crazy Irsay kid in Indy, but he may sic Rob Lowe on me.

Fisher doesn’t need another quarterback does he? He must be happy with that Bradford kid being damn near the highest paid player in the league. How many games did he win this season? *looks off into the distance and laughs to himself*

I am gonna offer Jeff both my first round picks. Maybe a second as well. Think he will take Colt off my hands? Would Colt even realize if I traded him? One way to find out…

This Junior Junior kid is gonna be great. If that wideout Greg Little of ours would quit taking $100 handshakes, maybe he would learn how to catch the dang ball.

Wait, I need a running back, don’t I? Chris Oban…Obanaaa…Oganban…DAMN IT! This year I am only signing players that have normal names!

*cracks another beer and chugs half of it*

Is it the draft yet? I’m tired of watching tape of these kids already.

Do people in Cleveland still care about football? I sure hope so. My best damn player is an offensive lineman, just how it should be, but the marketing folks keep telling me that he doesn’t sell tickets. Bah.

Oh well. If I go get this Griffin kid, I’m going pray to baby Jesus that he can get some people to give a damn!